Trust is an important aspect of a good and healthy relationship. Unfortunately, many people have trust issues for many different reasons.
Trust in relationships
When you think someone is reliable, you feel safe physically and emotionally with them and you feel confident with them, it shows that you trust them. Trust is something that grows just like love and its a person’s choice to trust another or not.
A relationship is said to be rosy and healthy if its not lacking the following:
If a relationship has all the following, then nothing can break that wonderful bond, but the rock of all those listed above is trust.
Having or building trust in a relationship is a gradual process. First, you have to know the kind of person you are, and the kind of person you’re getting involved with. Knowing if a person can be trusted is really hard, especially if its at the beginning of the relationship. The best way to make certain decisions like the trust issue is by doing two things, they are:
- Trusting your instincts
- Knowing your partner
For trust to have a strong place in a relationship, the couple must be willing to do things together and equally agree on certain things. They must be ready to be vulnerable and open to each other. For trust to be present in a relationship, there is need for mutual commitment.
Building trust in a relationship
As you advance in your relationship, ask yourself these questions and be sincere with the answers;
Am i there for my partner? Is my partner there for me?
Is my partner consistent with me? Am i consistent with him/ her?
Is my partner reliable? Does he/ she stand by his/ her words, do (they) say what (they) mean and do what (they) say?
Do my partner care as much as i do?
If the answers to all those questions are yes, then for a start, they can be trusted.
Past betrayal and trusting again
So many people have been betrayed in the past. So, its not really shocking if many people say they can’t trust people, this act is due to past occurrences. Some people wants to trust certain people, but they find it hard because of the past. These tips will help you trust again, even if not totally;
- Reminding yourself that people are different and so also your new partner differs from your old partner (or any body that broke your trust previously).
- Don’t make assumptions, they could blind you from reality.
- Even if you’ve been hurt before, don’t bug your partner or demand the proof of their trustworthiness. Let it come from them.
- Trust issues causes depression, don’t let it get a large part of you.
- Give your partner a second chance.
- Talk about how you feel.
- Look at the bigger picture.
- Forget the past.
- Learn to discern and trust your instincts.
6 Important things that builds trust in relationships
Communicate frequently with your partner, and let them know you’re a priority. If there’s a problem, talk about it and find a solution, don’t keep it bottled up. Share your feelings with your partner and don’t let all your communication be on the internet or over the phone. Facial conversation matters.
A stagnant relationship can be boring and there comes the need for exploration. Try out new things together and create new pleasant memories. This will make the relationship rosy.
Do not keep secrets:
Your partner should be your best friend. You should have no secrets, because even the most irrelevant thing can cause a relationship to be shaky.
Be calm about certain issues:
A relationship is not a bed of roses, so don’t expect it to be smooth and rosy always. Help your partner find the relationship back on its feet instead of pushing it down with your complaints.
Always understand your partner, as they are humans too. Sometimes, things might not be going well for them and they seem a bit negligent or reserved, don’t let your ego come first, strive to help them to their feet.
Learn to say no:
If your partner suggests something that is not pleasing to you, just say no. Sometimes, you can sacrifice because of love, but at some point learn to say no.
How to rebuild trust in a relationship
In a relationship, there may be times when one partner either cheats or betrays the other. Though not all relationships encounters this, but majority can attest to it. Some couples loves their partner so much that when the other cheats or cause distrust they give them another chance and forgive them. While some other set of couples also forgive but find it hard to trust again, this may be because they have fragile hearts.
Some partners after doing something of distrust, find it hard to go on with the relationship, because they don’t want to hurt their partner again, but you can actually sort it out. So if you are have done anything that has made it hard for your partner to trust you, below are the things you should do. (The list below does not necessarily pertain to when a partner cheats, so it applies to both partners, either faulty or not).
1. Rebuilding one’s inner trust
If you have been betrayed before and you want to trust again, then you have to start by trusting yourself and your instincts. You have to believe that any decision you make is right. Trusting your feelings is a good way to start. When you’re able to discern, then you know you’re moving forward. The best way to do this is to think about the past, i.e when you were first betrayed, did you feel it coming, did your instincts tell you and you didn’t listen or did you not feel it? When you’ve answered this question, then you know the next step take. If you didn’t listen to your instincts before, then its high time you start listening to your inner mind. But if you got no feelings, then you have to be careful so that you don’t let your guide down.
2. Rebuilding the relationship trust
When you’ve created space for distrust, then you’ve got to do everything possible to rebuild it. Asking for forgiveness and embracing your partner, will only calm the person down not rebuild the lost trust. Rebuilding trust takes time and patience, it does not just come back. First, you need to sit down and talk to your partner, let them know what led to your behavior and how you are sorry about hurting them. Promise them never to repeat such actions again, and keep to your promise no matter what. To rebuild the lost trust in the relationship, below are things you should do:
Take responsibility for your actions:
If you are the betrayer, come clean. Let your partner in on the truth. Tell them the whole story, leaving nothing out. Admit your mistake and don’t blame anyone.
Expect emotional reactions from your partner:
Letting your partner know that you betrayed them won’t make them congratulate you. You don’t expect the person to say ‘Wow Jean/ Dan you did well, please do it again’, neither would you receive a pat on the back. They are humans too and they are bound to react the way you would react if you were betrayed. Expect them to yell, cry, get mad or angry and in the course of this, do not make matters worst by pointing accusing fingers or yelling back. Keep calm or better still go on your knees and cry too, if you can, it might help your partner calm down and even start sympathizing with you.
This is one big step to either staying together again or breaking up. The manner and reason for which you apologize goes a long way in deciding for your partner.
- The best way to take responsibility for your actions is by recognizing that your partner is hurt. You should be apologizing, while saying what you should have done instead of hurting them and how you intend to make amends.
- When apologizing don’t justify your actions in any way even if your partner was the actual cause of your misbehavior. Don’t say that your partner doesn’t understand you and don’t tell stories as to why you misbehaved, like saying you had a bad experience while growing, etc.
- Let your partner know the reason behind your apology. Don’t apologize because of pity, it would only make them angrier. Apologizing because of pity shows that the offender is superior to the offended, so don’t make that error. Apologize because you’re sorry, guilty and ashamed of your actions and you wish to make amends.
Most times, when you offend someone so dear to you, it hurts a lot and you feel bitter within yourself. When you feel that way, the best thing to do is to forgive yourself. If you don’t forgive yourself, whenever you’re with that person you guilty, reserved, withdrawn and unhappy and the person might end up feeling suspicious again. Those who have never been in this situation before may find it amusing and they may think that self forgiveness is easy, but its not. In fact, its one of the hardest things to do.
Self transparency for your partner:
At this point, make yourself clear to your partner, because every little thing you do for the time being would seem suspicious. So coming out clean and clear is the best thing to do. Let them have access to your phone, email, etc. Let them also know where you are, whom you’re with and what you’re doing there. Give them updates about new happenings, like a new male/ female friend or an old male/female friend that you just met depending on your sex anyways, so that it won’t be a surprise later.
Letting out anger:
Its a natural thing to vent their emotions or anger after a betrayal. But shutting them up or yelling at them shows that you don’t care about their feelings, so don’t do it. With time, their heart will soften.
Keep your promises:
Try extremely hard to keep your promises. If you promise to call in an hour, please do. Try everything possible to call. Don’t leave your words hanging, cause even the one you think has little or no importance might mean a lot to your partner.
Understand that rebuilding trust takes time, so don’t freak out if your partner is still emotionally sad. Be patient and with time, your partner will come around.
13 Tips on how to build trust for partners
- Trust your partner.
- Give your partner space and be kind.
- Stay faithful.
- Make your relationship your top priority.
- Love your partner without any ulterior motives
- Don’t give up
- Be reliable.
- Mean what you say.
- Share your feelings.
- Be truthful
- Believe in your partner’s capability.
- Be patient.
- Apologize when you’re wrong.
7 Reasons why trust is important
- Judgment is clouded by love, but illuminated by trust.
- Love only reflects our ability to trust others.
- Trust controls our emotions.
- We put a premium on trust as the building block of any relationship.
- Trust conquers all.
- Trust is what makes us love again.
- We can only love someone we trust.
When couples trust each other and are faithful, loyal, caring, loving, understanding, tolerant and patient, there is bound to be happiness. If all these things are present in a relationship, there would hardly be any quarrel, don’t get me wrong, couples quarrel almost always. But what makes it lovely, is that they don’t let the sun set over it. They would both apologize, even when they are not at fault, because the last thing they want is ego ruining what they have fought so hard to keep. Sometimes, i quarrel with my partner, but whether am at fault or not i apologize, and my partner also have the habit of apologizing too. So this way, no one feels cheated, because it shows that we both need the relationship. Remember that, you can only love someone you trust. When partners trust themselves, they avoid suspicion.